Here but not there, not really here either. There is a space that happens with a trip. Once work is caught up, family gatherings with Thanksgiving attended and I am sitting at home in the final days before leaving, I have a feeling of being disconnected.
Elizabeth Gilbert summarized it nicely describing “The Physics of the Quest”.
“If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting and set out on a truth-seeking journey, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself, then truth will not be withheld from you.“
I do believe there are laws of nature or Spirit as powerful and real as the laws of gravity and when I listen, I’m literally pulled along on a path. Doors open, people show up, a quote in a movie zings me, a line in a book or newspaper make time stop for a moment while it grabs my attention. all these are signs of something shifting. Perhaps it’s the “life force” rising to the surface, clearing away the debris and clutter of being busy and working to “make a living” rather than living and reminding me that there is more to live than constant doing.
When I resigned from teaching after my third year at the University of Louisville, I had 30 or 40 people tell me how nuts I was, simply crazy to give up a tenure track position and to do what? To travel around the US, interviewing people, exploring my own country and learning how to help people learn-how-to-learn…completely nuts!
One friend clearly, strongly and specifically said, “I admire your courage!”. The comment caught me by surprise. It didn’t feel like there was anything particularly courageous about what I was doing. It was so clearly THE thing to be doing, everything else faded into the background, and I chose to do it. What’s courageous about acting when it’s that clear?
This trip feels like that, I’m going to be gone and wandering about for 3 1/2 months. Most of me is ready to go, pack my bag, leave for the airport and get it on. Then, there is part of me wanting to think through everything and make sure the bases have all been covered. Not quite here, not quite there but someplace in the “between” worlds. Soon, that will change. Once I leave for the airport, check my bag and wait for my first flight, I’ll be on the adventure and looking for what shows up next.
There is an adventure waiting which will begin soon. I’m wondering how many people live in the “between” space with no end in sight? I’m sure I do some of the time when I’m between projects or coming home from a draining project wondering what I want to do next.
Next, I’ll repack my pack. I’ve done it twice. The first time was to throw everything in and see that it fit. The second time was to evaluate what was essential and what could be left behind. One more time and I’ll be ready to check my bag and begin.
Wouldn’t life be so simple if we only had to check a bag? Hmmmm?
Stay tuned and I’ll keep you posted to what unfolds. Ciao…..